Too Much Information

I'll admit it. I like FaceBook as much as any of my FB friends. For some reason, this week FB has been most annoying. Yea, it could be just me because my patience level does run a little low at times. Here's my beef. I sign on and just want a hint of what my friends are doing. Sometimes just for a laugh and other times because I'm just curious. So this week I sign on and all I know is that people are sending Easter eggs by the hundreds. It takes up my entire update page. I love Easter but all of that gift giving needs to show up on a separate tab called "for those who are into warm and fuzzy". I wish I could be like that. Maybe it's because I'm a single mom and it just clicked that I need to somehow find time to make sure the Easter Bunny comes to our house. The Easter egg hunts are cute but I would like to choose if I see them or not. The funny thing is that there is probably a way to block that. I'll check when I sign back on.

Not to offend the picture takers either but my goodness. Do you just walk around with your phone held out in front of your face all day? Maybe that is why so many accidents occur when folks are simply walking.

I love to see all of my friends' children's milestone occasions too. However, I do not need to see what they have done every single day at three minute increments. Maybe tomorrow I'll plant a seed and take a picture of it every five minutes and post it every five minutes. Maybe when you sign on and all you see is 20 pictures of my cup of dirt you'll get the "picture".

You're in luck, I have no seeds and no potting soil,

Michelle K. Perkins

The Power of Tan Lines

I always knew that tan lines somehow made me feel better but I never realized how powerful they really were until last week. For some reason this winter has seemed colder than any other that I can remember. It has actually snowed two or three times. Since once is one too many times for me, I lost count after the first. Lucky for me, one of my best friends is a therapist and can put a name to everything that stirs my strongest emotions. Sometimes I think it's just to make me think that it is ok when I refuse to leave the house if it is under 40 degrees outside. This particular character trait of mine is seasonal depression. Am I really depressed? No, not by any stretch. I just prefer to stay warm, even if it has to be inside for the winter months.

The fact that I went to a tanning bed for the first time in two years is proof that it has been an extremely cold winter. At some point I heard that cold winters will eliminate a great deal of the annoying bugs the following summer. So here is the good news. This summer, I will be able to sit on my deck bug free.

Here's to a bugless summer,

Michelle K. Perkins

My Couch and I Are One

The only reason that I am blogging today is because I can't do much else. How many times have I thought that someone with an aching back is a wimp? Well just color me wimp.

How different the view is from the floor looking up. I never thought I would get that view, especially of the UPS store in Greenville. I had packed the infra-red heater back into its original box and managed to get it into my car. Yeah, mom had said wait for your dad and I to help you with that because it is heavy and awkward. I can do this, plus I am tired of it sitting in the floor. I want it out today. So the heater and I take off for the UPS store.

I wrestled the box out of my car, carried it at least 40 yards. I got in the store and dropped it on the floor. It was already broken so I'm sure dropping it wouldn't do any more damage. Then I drag it to the counter. I have started to feel the affects of this box in my back but this relationship is almost over cause I'm shipping you away.

Now it's my turn. The lady asked me to put the box on the scale, which is on the counter. I looked at the box for a split second and wondered if I had one more lift left in me. The answer was a resounding no. As I grab the box and try to stand, there is this unbelievable pain in my back and I can't move. I immediately go to my knees and then flat on my back. That is exactly when I got the "from the ground view" of the customers and employees. They look as shocked as I am. More than one person wanted to call an ambulance. I think they thought I had a heart attack. They asked if I knew who I was and where I was. Unfortunately I did. I was laying in the middle of the floor of the UPS store. Apparently my laying there wasn't good for business. I couldn't understand why I just couldn't lay there for a few more minutes. Can't those folks see I need to relax a minute? I let them convince me I was ready to get up but I couldn't. So two men pop me up from the floor to standing. I'm standing but can barely walk. They help me to my car and I managed to drive home.

My last obstacle was getting out of the car. That hurt bad. I crawl up the steps and make it to my couch and immediately call my mom. She quickly filled up a zip-lock bag with every pain pill made and brought them to me. I love that bag. So here I sit in the same place since Friday. I have managed to eat, bathe and just shuffle through the house. I hear I should be good as new within a week.

I'll be back,

Michelle K. Perkins

Donuts at 1 am

For those of you who don't know, I have this love affair with sleep. It is the greatest thing in the world. During the winter, I am not quite sure what I would do if there were no such thing. The thought of going outside when it is cold can instantaneously make me feel like a need a nap. I do not have this problem in the summer. Actually in the summer I can survive off of little to no sleep.

Not once have I chosen eating over sleeping, until last night. I was having the most vivid dream. I was at the beach and for some reason, I had run, jogged, surfed without sitting down to even catch my breath. This is odd too since I just sit in a chair all day at the beach unless I decide to try catching a wave. There are times that I am just hot and go take a dip, but otherwise, I'm in the chair. I wake up from this physically intense dream at 1:08am and I am starving. There were snow flurries at that point because I checked to see on my way to the pantry. What did I find but some Sweet 16 powdered donuts that I brought back to bed with me and proceeded to eat four of them. This can not be normal. Those were the best donuts I have ever eaten in my life. What an odd sight to wake up to hit the snooze button and have a bag of donuts staring at you.

If this happens again (or maybe a few more times) I will going to the sleep clinic cause I don't want to wake up looking like the Pillsbury dough boy one day.

Sleep sweet,

Michelle K. Perkins

Let's Talk About It

I guess I just haven't felt like blogging lately. I got into that FaceBook craze and it started taking up way too much of my time. Now that I am happy with the number of friends that I have, I think I can back off for a while.

Spam Email really makes you think about if someone is really watching your online activities. Never fail, if I pay a bill or check a balance, I will undoubtedly receive an email about loans that are available for me or that my credit score has changed. It can be a bit unnerving.

I haven't yet figured out what spurs the colon cleansing emails or the how to lose weight emails. I have no desire to have my colon cleansed and if I lost ten pounds I would be virtually invisible.

Then there are the how to find love emails. Now this is a department in which I could use some help. Let me just say, those ads for dating sites that feature that drop dead gorgeous man with salt and pepper hair plus the smile to die for. He isn't on there. I have looked. I think it really is a 60 year old, could lose a few pounds, Harley rider that someone has spent quite a bit of time photo shopping. Oh yeah, I have looked and subscribed and am still single. After all, the real meaning of insanity is trying the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. I caught on pretty quickly and am saving money on that one. I did say one time the only way I would meet someone was if it was the UPS man making a delivery. Go figure, the day I got a UPS delivery was the day I was sick as a dog. I go to the door. There is Mr. UPS guy. He looked a lot like that drop dead gorgeous man in the dating site ad. There I stood, no shower, sweat pants, hair in a pitiful ponytail and no make-up. My one shot and I blew it. (Believe it or not, as I was typing this, I was notified that I have an email (Two Singles Want to Meet Me). I always feel like, some body's watching me. I have no idea why that song just popped in my head.

Wishing I could think of something to mail order. Give me another chance Mr. UPS Guy,

Michelle K. Perkins

Merry Christmas and More

It's only Christmas Eve and we have already had an unbelievable day. It was a great time at Nana's and Papa's, opening gifts and spending time with the cousins. Who could ask for more? It could end now and it would have been great.

Now for what I really have to say. I must say that my PD friends have the most unbelievable stories because they are going through life post divorce too. Us PD women have a tendency to lose our sanity at times. You hear one of these friends tell a story and wonder "what are you thinking?" If they heard you tell the same story that is what they would say to you. But when you are the one telling the story, I don't know what happens. I think a little attention from someone with a Y chromosome makes your IQ drop at least 50 points. It's unbelievable to witness and okay maybe experience. I usually consider these very intelligent women. Talk about smart to not so bright. It's like witnessing a train wreck.

I really hope one of these very intelligent women in particular reads this blog. Here's a hint. The only thing I have fallen in love with at first sight was an article of clothing at Ann Taylor Loft. I don't think that will ever change.

Merry Christmas to you all,

Michelle K. Perkins

Just Send Them to Idiot Prison

Has it really been a month? Wow that's a long time for me to go without therapy. Then it happened, bailout execs had to go and still fly around in private jets at the company's expense after they received some of my tax dollars. Now I'm upset. I couldn't be satisfied with reading just the summary paragraph. I had to read the entire article. It started that snowball rolling down the hill affect deep down inside and so here I am talking about it.

This is what I don't understand. One of the reasons company spokesmen give for the need for private jets is security. Maybe I didn't read the paper or check the news online for like a year, but I have failed to read about any plot to knock off the president or other high executives of companies that are losing money by the boat load. Maybe they think they are as important as say a President of a country. The only people they need to fear is average folks like me and I don't even know any of their names. I'm thinking they are pretty safe. I still can't figure out why these guys are paid so much any way. If I were in charge, here is who I would hire. They would not have attended an Ivy League school because those folks seem to walk in the door with an attitude of entitlement. They would have had to work at least 25 hours a week to be able to attend college and they would have graduated with a GPA somewhere in the range of 2.75-3.25. You know why? Because these folks could find an answer to a problem. Mr. Ivy League would have to call 40 other folks to figure out what to do when he is stuck in an elevator and average Joe would know, just flip the alarm switch. Whew! I feel much better now!

See ya when I need some more couch time. It could be tomorrow!!

Michelle Perkins